The smooth guy

A few weeks back I started talking to this guy, very nice and everything. It came to one weekend where he had told me he was gonna hang out with his friends and I had told him I had no clue what I was doing. At 8 pm he messages me this:

Wow...

I am not perfect, far from it, sometimes I use my back-up friends too, but I am slick about it!  Of course I called him on it, the answer? "Oh... shit, I am sorry! That was not my intention. I just really want to meet up with you because you are so cute" Miss Badoo ain't no back-up plan, you fool!

6 things that turns me off

We all have our turn-ons and turn-offs, what's a turn-on for me, is a turn-off for somebody else. But here's my 6 turn-offs when it comes to appearance.

1. Tans
   Especially fake-tans. Like a famous porn-star* once said : you shall not me more tanned than me. And also, you look like a fucking oompa loompa
2. Hair
   Too much hair, too little hair. I have a huge problem with hair. Hairy backs- yuck. Balding spots- Eww... Shaved legs - are you sure that you want to sleep with me, a girl? (Just need to put in: hairy feet... OMG! Disgusting!).
3. Noses
   I have a thing for noses... A want a nice nose, it can be big, small or bent... but if it doesn't fit your face I will have a hard time getting attracted to you...
4. Tattoos
   Ugly, weird, strange tattoos... I just find it hard to find a guy attractive if he has a tribal and is under 30. If you are 30, you are excused, we blame the 90's. But if I find an elf, *any country sign* or a badly executed tattoo on you, you're out of bed.
5. Piercings
   I have piercings, quite a few actually so I am not against them. But a guy that wants to sleep with me can not have a piercing in the following places: nose, lip, ear,belly-button, or penis. They can not have a anchor either. Because that a girl thing. A tongue piercing is ok though... for obvious reasons**.
6. Smells
   Same here as for the hair, too much, too little. I like my men to smell nice (because boys and guys have a way of either using too much or too little, while men use the perfect amount). A guy who doesn't do enough = stinks at the end of the day and I don't do sweat. A guy who uses too much will cause me to have an asthma attack... funny enough, is that not too many males out there knows the perfect amount... 

*Jenna Jameson (buy it here!)

** More on that later, but hint; it feel sooo good!

pic-sources:

oompa loompa, hair, nose, tattoo, piercing, smell

The cheesy one

All is good in love and war, right? NO! Hell to the no! Some guys can pull off the cheesy pickup lines, but most can't. You have to be extremely self-confident AND be able to do it in a cute way. Preferable at a bar after you've been talking to me for a while. And, I am not going to lie, if you are extremely good-looking it will be easier.  Most cases won't make the cut though, because cheesy pickup lines are mostly just awkward...

And also... he actually wrote that, grammar is the key, boys!

This is the kind of messages I don't respond to, because you can just tell that this is a spam message,we all know about copy-paste.....  but hey, he threw in a compliment and thats a plus.... oh, Badoo...

The over-confident

Before we start; sorry for the radio silence. Life came knocking on the door and I kind of lost my ambition to write and/or be on Badoo. But now I am back with more stories than ever.

So, a couple of weeks ago I received a message from a guy in his early twenties. Before I start, I wanna say that I like confidence, no, I love it. I am a little asshole so I want my fuckbuddy, bf, whatever to have be a little bit of an asshole too. Not in that way that he's mean, but I like confidence, a guy who can tell me he's awesome and smile gets me going in 2 seconds. I do the same and, it's fun! So nothing wrong with confidence, but, you can have the wrong kind of confidence...

Say what? Why would I find that attractive? I know that Badoo is a hook-up site, but come on! Don't make it so easy for me to tell you no. Oh, Badoo.... 

The stupid cheater

Another favorite is the stupid cheater. Thing that all cheaters have in common is that they do not put up a lot of information about themselves. Some might list that they have a girlfriend, but I haven't been speaking to any of those, I might be low on morals, but I do not touch taken guys. I might speak to one in the name of this blog though, we'll see.

Anyway, the stupid cheater doesn't have a lot of information about himself, he will list what he is looking for, what his sexual orientation is and how he looks. Another funny thing is that the cheaters are full of themselves. More on that another time. The thing with the stupid cheater though is that he won't tell you that he is taken, but he will have selfies taken in front of a mirror and in the background you can see his girlfriends beauty products.

I mean, if you are going to cheat, at least you can be slick about it, ok?

The "good" guy

When you are on dating sites, you (as a woman) will run into the "good" guys all the time. The "good" guy is a male who thinks he's been treated poorly by women. Women doesn't understand how great he is, he deserves... no, he demands to have a woman in his life, why? Because he is a GOOD GUY! It's not his fault that women only go for bad guys, it's women who are stupid. He is a good guy and probably God's gift to women, women just don't understand it.

 Like this guy, who is he to decide that I think he's worth it? And what does that even mean? "I have a lousy personality, but in the long-run it will be worth it"? "I am worth it". Let that sink in for a moment.

I am a firm believer in that there's actually not one for everyone out there. But if you do want to find someone you need to start seeing your own part in your love-life's happenings. One girls ditches you - probably not a good match. Every girl you meet ditches - maybe your approach is wrong. It's all about adapting to your surroundings and not to show your full hand  in the first five minutes. Let there be some mystery, let there be some things to find out about along the way.

Because if I have one more guy telling me he's "worth it". I won't shake my head and say "oh, Badoo", I will scream it in anger.

The sneaky hornball

Like the name refers to the sneaky hornball might seem nice from the beginning, but shall not be confused with the charming hornball. Even though they might start the conversation the same, the sneaky hornball just puts in his horniness casually in the conversation.

It is important to know that this conversation took place in the middle of the night. So he says that he is horny in the middle of a sentence like there is nothing to it. "If you say something about it, we'll talk, but if you ignore the fact that I am horny I will move on to the next girl". And that is why the sneaky hornball is so sneaky. Because he doesn't say flat out that he wants to sleep with you, he gives you the OPTION to start talking about how to handle his horniness. My response to this was "Oh tough times" and that pretty much ended our little conversation. "Oh, Badoo", how can you harbour all these horny men?